Archive → September, 2008
What's going right?
Early this morning the Illuminated Mind blog gave me food for thought to contemplate throughout this grey and drizzly day. On a day in which the world’s stock markets continue to plummet a brilliant question was posed:
What is right in your life?
It’s a common theme of this and many other blogs – and probably in the flavour of our age – to identify problems and propose solutions. For a moment however, step back appraise your life with and honest appreciation of what is right. What is right, and good and pleasing to you.
What is right in my life?
- I have started writing again, and that makes my soul smile. I quit blogging back in ’04, and have missed the clarity, education and self-discovery that accompanies the simple act of penning my thoughts.
- I am glad that I owe little. My independence has taken me down several dark, uncharted paths, and I am pleased that I have been lucky enough to learn from my journeys while always seeming stumble back into the light. I’m glad that those whom I do owe, are those people for whom the mere suggestion of repayment would be an insult.
- On balance, my life feels right at the moment. Since the beginning of the year, in particular, I’ve gradually regained a certain equilibrium, by reducing my sense of regret and increasing my sense of ambition; pressing forward with focus.
To be fair, it isn’t down to me alone. I’ve been reading several blogs (amongst others); watching the West Wing (finally); and reading books like a madman. In fact, if there is one thing that inspired this trajectory – it is an amazing novel: “The Road”, by Cormac McCarthy.
While banks crash and short days beckon, I enjoy my life and liberty. That’s right.
How about you? What is right in your life?
The colour of money
As I’m sure you’ve heard: Paul Newman is dead, and may he rest in peace. Nonetheless, Eddie Felson – the Oscar-winning role Newman played ‘The Colour of Money (1986)’ – lives on.
In the film, Newman reprises his acclaimed character from ‘The Hustler (1968)’ in which he played the classic poolhall hustler learning the trade. At that time he was told about the fallacy of excuses by his manager:
You have the best excuse in the world for losing; no trouble losing when you got a good excuse. Winning… that can be heavy on your back, too, like a monkey. You’ll drop that load too when you’ve got an excuse. All you gotta do is learn to feel sorry for yourself. One of the best indoor sports, feeling sorry for yourself. A sport enjoyed by all, especially the born losers. – Bert Gordon to Eddie in ‘The Hustler’
As the cliche goes: a bad sportsman blames the equipment, weather or referee’s decision in a heartbeat; poor performance gets blamed least.
Understanding the following quotes from the older, wiser Felson in ‘The Colour of Money’, it’s clear why performance is paramount.
Pool excellence is *not* about excellent pool. – Eddie Felson
Being excellent is more than merely achieving success. Excellence consists of *maintaining* success in the face of obstacles. You really believe Jordan never got a bad call?
You *never* ease up on somebody …not when there’s money involved. – Eddie Felson
An excuse is a brakepedal in the vehicle of success. It’s one of the most common forms of self-medication in the human condition, giving birth to depression, regret and self-pity. In ‘business’, money (or a variation; time, reputation etc) is always involved. *Never* ease up. As simple as it sounds, it’s worth stating: a win-win is only a win-win if you win. Or to put it another way:
Money won is twice as sweet as money earned. – Eddie Felson
Every man has a limit
Although we know it to be true. Although our boyish bravado attempts to convince us otherwise. Every man has a limit.
From Greek myth to modern comic book ‘goodies’, mankind’s heroes are distinguished by their weakness. To paraphrase Anna Karennina: all strength is the same, but weakness comes in infinite variety.
My major weakness was laziness. Superman’s was kryptonite. Both conditions result in fatigue, reduced control and increased calamity.
Weakness should be identified early. Ignorance is bliss, in the same way that crack-addiction is bliss. Blindness to your problems, leaves you senseless (or sense-deprived at least.)
Why are you not who/what/where you want to be? Write your reasons down.
The answers to that question will identify your weaknesses. At least some of them will be in your short-term control. Tackle these first and you will make a swift impact on your destiny. The deep-ingrained bad habits will be hardest to correct, but will surely provide the most impressive benefits.
It doesn’t matter how tough you think you are. Every man has a limit, and even Superman would be a fool to wear a kryptonite necklace. What are the weaknesses that limit you?
The origins of a handshake
When you shake hands with anyone you should look them in the eye. Head up, with a firm grip and gaze. It shows them that you are confident, secure, and more importantly creates an emotional connection that compliments the physical palm-slap. Or so I’ve been told.
In many situations, a handshake is nothing more than an empty gesture; a variation of the rhetorical ‘how are you?’ greetings that punctuate the day. It’s usually meaningless.
The handshake tradition originated in a time of swords and duels, where it demonstrated that you wouldn’t draw your sabre against the other person – if you are right-handed your sword would be sheathed on your left. Gentlemen and brothers don’t need to pass such a test, which is why UK barristers and MP’s traditionally don’t do handshakes.
Remember that it’s your greeting so you can courtesy, touch fists or hug, it’s up to you. The origins of your actions should be your decisions. Unless of course you meet the Queen, in which case you should humbly bow and exit the room backwards.
My point is that what you do is not the same thing as why you do it. In day-to-day interactions you are taught to automatically jump through hoops, and it’s up to you to think for yourself.
Two ears and one mouth
credit: Yannig Van de Wouwer
I used to know a guy who talked too much. He explained himself, thinking that his ramblings would make people like him. He assumed that his above-average intelligence should be shared with every ear within striking distance. He hogged every conversation with ‘subtle’ insights into the current political situation in Asia; the fallacy of market-capitalism; and the reasons why the Team A is better than Team B. He was a good ol’ fashioned sabre rattler – setting the world to rights with every phrase. He valued quantity over quality. He was an ass.
It is a BIG mistake to forget that people like to speak more than they listen; tell more than they are told; and instruct more than they are instructed. The funny thing is: He thought that people liked his voice as much as he did.
He read books like “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and “The Seven Habits…” but didn’t absorb the simple message: It is better to listen… most of the time.
From negotiation to poker, it is better to say little and to keep your cards close to your chest. Here are a few reasons why:
- The more you say something, the less power it has
You don’t want to be the guy that’s “all talk”. People have no reason to obey or listen to that guy. People like men of action, not men who are “full of hot air”. Mean what you (briefly) say, and (briefly) say what you mean. Everything else is window-dressing and dilutes your message. - The less you say, the more quality people attribute to your words
Have you ever watched ‘Slingblade’? It’s a film about a mentally-impaired murderer, recently released from psychiatric prison. He doesn’t say much, but when he does his banal statements are (meant to be) interpreted as though he was a Nobel laureate. (Check out the IMDB quotes page! Look for Karl.) Artists like Andy Warhol made a career out this trick. - Everybody makes mistakes
The more you say, the more mistakes you make. If you cannot control your words you cannot control yourself — and will lose respect. A man owns his word and his balls. Do you plan to knock up every girl you meet, or do you take precautions? Realise that words have offspring too, and you’ll protect yourself from the grief/alimony that results from squandered words.
Next time you are out and about, take a while to observe a group of people, and you’ll see that the the person in charge speaks less. Why? Because that person is in charge of decisions, not entertainment. That’s the jester’s job. If you don’t believe me, walk up to the group and ask them a question that requires a decision… Let me know how it goes.
PS: Silence or vague statements can result in adverse interpretations. Those who depend on you – including your superiors and/or partner – are often made insecure by ambiguity, and may become suspicious. Nevertheless, to reassure such people takes less words than you think.
Moral Dilemma: The mad bomber
credit: zombizi
A madman who has threatened to explode several bombs in crowded areas has been apprehended. Unfortunately, he has already planted the bombs and they are scheduled to go off in a short time. It is possible that hundreds of people may die.
The authorities cannot make him divulge the location of the bombs by conventional methods. He refuses to say anything and requests a lawyer to protect his right against self-incrimination.
In exasperation, some high level official suggests torture. This would be illegal, of course, but the official thinks that it is nevertheless the right thing to do in this desperate situation.
Do you agree? If you do, would it also be morally justifiable to torture the mad bomber’s innocent wife if that is the only way to make him talk? Why?