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What's going right?
Early this morning the Illuminated Mind blog gave me food for thought to contemplate throughout this grey and drizzly day. On a day in which the world’s stock markets continue to plummet a brilliant question was posed:
What is right in your life?
It’s a common theme of this and many other blogs – and probably in the flavour of our age – to identify problems and propose solutions. For a moment however, step back appraise your life with and honest appreciation of what is right. What is right, and good and pleasing to you.
What is right in my life?
- I have started writing again, and that makes my soul smile. I quit blogging back in ‘04, and have missed the clarity, education and self-discovery that accompanies the simple act of penning my thoughts.
- I am glad that I owe little. My independence has taken me down several dark, uncharted paths, and I am pleased that I have been lucky enough to learn from my journeys while always seeming stumble back into the light. I’m glad that those whom I do owe, are those people for whom the mere suggestion of repayment would be an insult.
- On balance, my life feels right at the moment. Since the beginning of the year, in particular, I’ve gradually regained a certain equilibrium, by reducing my sense of regret and increasing my sense of ambition; pressing forward with focus.
To be fair, it isn’t down to me alone. I’ve been reading several blogs (amongst others); watching the West Wing (finally); and reading books like a madman. In fact, if there is one thing that inspired this trajectory – it is an amazing novel: “The Road”, by Cormac McCarthy.
While banks crash and short days beckon, I enjoy my life and liberty. That’s right.
How about you? What is right in your life?
The origins of a handshake
When you shake hands with anyone you should look them in the eye. Head up, with a firm grip and gaze. It shows them that you are confident, secure, and more importantly creates an emotional connection that compliments the physical palm-slap. Or so I’ve been told.
In many situations, a handshake is nothing more than an empty gesture; a variation of the rhetorical ‘how are you?’ greetings that punctuate the day. It’s usually meaningless.
The handshake tradition originated in a time of swords and duels, where it demonstrated that you wouldn’t draw your sabre against the other person – if you are right-handed your sword would be sheathed on your left. Gentlemen and brothers don’t need to pass such a test, which is why UK barristers and MP’s traditionally don’t do handshakes.
Remember that it’s your greeting so you can courtesy, touch fists or hug, it’s up to you. The origins of your actions should be your decisions. Unless of course you meet the Queen, in which case you should humbly bow and exit the room backwards.
My point is that what you do is not the same thing as why you do it. In day-to-day interactions you are taught to automatically jump through hoops, and it’s up to you to think for yourself.
Two ears and one mouth
credit: Yannig Van de Wouwer
I used to know a guy who talked too much. He explained himself, thinking that his ramblings would make people like him. He assumed that his above-average intelligence should be shared with every ear within striking distance. He hogged every conversation with ’subtle’ insights into the current political situation in Asia; the fallacy of market-capitalism; and the reasons why the Team A is better than Team B. He was a good ol’ fashioned sabre rattler – setting the world to rights with every phrase. He valued quantity over quality. He was an ass.
It is a BIG mistake to forget that people like to speak more than they listen; tell more than they are told; and instruct more than they are instructed. The funny thing is: He thought that people liked his voice as much as he did.
He read books like “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and “The Seven Habits…” but didn’t absorb the simple message: It is better to listen… most of the time.
From negotiation to poker, it is better to say little and to keep your cards close to your chest. Here are a few reasons why:
- The more you say something, the less power it has
You don’t want to be the guy that’s “all talk”. People have no reason to obey or listen to that guy. People like men of action, not men who are “full of hot air”. Mean what you (briefly) say, and (briefly) say what you mean. Everything else is window-dressing and dilutes your message. - The less you say, the more quality people attribute to your words
Have you ever watched ‘Slingblade’? It’s a film about a mentally-impaired murderer, recently released from psychiatric prison. He doesn’t say much, but when he does his banal statements are (meant to be) interpreted as though he was a Nobel laureate. (Check out the IMDB quotes page! Look for Karl.) Artists like Andy Warhol made a career out this trick. - Everybody makes mistakes
The more you say, the more mistakes you make. If you cannot control your words you cannot control yourself — and will lose respect. A man owns his word and his balls. Do you plan to knock up every girl you meet, or do you take precautions? Realise that words have offspring too, and you’ll protect yourself from the grief/alimony that results from squandered words.
Next time you are out and about, take a while to observe a group of people, and you’ll see that the the person in charge speaks less. Why? Because that person is in charge of decisions, not entertainment. That’s the jester’s job. If you don’t believe me, walk up to the group and ask them a question that requires a decision… Let me know how it goes.
PS: Silence or vague statements can result in adverse interpretations. Those who depend on you – including your superiors and/or partner – are often made insecure by ambiguity, and may become suspicious. Nevertheless, to reassure such people takes less words than you think.
Applause is not the destination
Of the varied mistakes i’ve made in my life, i regret the times that applause became my aim; all of those foolish moments in which i became a fan of my fans. In essence, i regret the time and resources wasted due to my vanity.
credit: cessemi
“A vain man can never be utterly ruthless: he wants to win applause and therefore he accommodates himself to others” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
(‘Ruthless’ has several powerMAD conotations, so, for the sake of argument, i’ll exchange it for its synonym: relentless.)
A vain man can never be utterly relentless. Well-timed applause or gushing approval will knock him off-course quicker than my golf-swing. As Stephen Colbert knows, some people will applaud anything! Accordingly, what matters is not the quantity, but the quality of response. In fact, for the most audacious, spectacular acts, the applause is silent; the reaction being muted by disbelief. Applause is not better than such silence.
Over time i’ve grown accustomed to treating applause as though i am a King or a President. I will give thanks, but i will not let my estimated-time-of-arrival be altered. I’m not in the entertainment biz. Applause is not my destination. My destination is...
Most people clap for a King, not because they know him, but because they don’t know what else to do; because they see other people clap; because they are in awe; because they want him to give them favour. Would a King ever get to his destination – and still remain King – if he swooned at every compliment given?
The answer is no. Rather, the powerSANE live the words of Edmund Burke, relentlessly:
“Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones.” – Edmund Burke
Life's not a bitch
“Life’s not a bitch. Life’s a beautiful woman. You only call her a bitch ’cause she won’t let you get that pussy.” – Aesop Rock, “Daylight”
Enjoy life. Play around on her. Cheat on her. Be faithful to her. Do what ever the fuck you want with her, or lay back and let her do what she wants with you. Just make sure to enjoy her, because soon you will be separated. You have been promised to another.
Remember, you’re not married to life. You can leave her whenever you want (and vice-versa). She’s merely your mistress, as you await your arranged-marriage with death.
Spend your bachelor party well. You only die once.