Posts Tagged → communication
The origins of a handshake
When you shake hands with anyone you should look them in the eye. Head up, with a firm grip and gaze. It shows them that you are confident, secure, and more importantly creates an emotional connection that compliments the physical palm-slap. Or so I’ve been told.
In many situations, a handshake is nothing more than an empty gesture; a variation of the rhetorical ‘how are you?’ greetings that punctuate the day. It’s usually meaningless.
The handshake tradition originated in a time of swords and duels, where it demonstrated that you wouldn’t draw your sabre against the other person – if you are right-handed your sword would be sheathed on your left. Gentlemen and brothers don’t need to pass such a test, which is why UK barristers and MP’s traditionally don’t do handshakes.
Remember that it’s your greeting so you can courtesy, touch fists or hug, it’s up to you. The origins of your actions should be your decisions. Unless of course you meet the Queen, in which case you should humbly bow and exit the room backwards.
My point is that what you do is not the same thing as why you do it. In day-to-day interactions you are taught to automatically jump through hoops, and it’s up to you to think for yourself.
Two ears and one mouth
credit: Yannig Van de Wouwer
I used to know a guy who talked too much. He explained himself, thinking that his ramblings would make people like him. He assumed that his above-average intelligence should be shared with every ear within striking distance. He hogged every conversation with ‘subtle’ insights into the current political situation in Asia; the fallacy of market-capitalism; and the reasons why the Team A is better than Team B. He was a good ol’ fashioned sabre rattler – setting the world to rights with every phrase. He valued quantity over quality. He was an ass.
It is a BIG mistake to forget that people like to speak more than they listen; tell more than they are told; and instruct more than they are instructed. The funny thing is: He thought that people liked his voice as much as he did.
He read books like “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and “The Seven Habits…” but didn’t absorb the simple message: It is better to listen… most of the time.
From negotiation to poker, it is better to say little and to keep your cards close to your chest. Here are a few reasons why:
- The more you say something, the less power it has
You don’t want to be the guy that’s “all talk”. People have no reason to obey or listen to that guy. People like men of action, not men who are “full of hot air”. Mean what you (briefly) say, and (briefly) say what you mean. Everything else is window-dressing and dilutes your message. - The less you say, the more quality people attribute to your words
Have you ever watched ‘Slingblade’? It’s a film about a mentally-impaired murderer, recently released from psychiatric prison. He doesn’t say much, but when he does his banal statements are (meant to be) interpreted as though he was a Nobel laureate. (Check out the IMDB quotes page! Look for Karl.) Artists like Andy Warhol made a career out this trick. - Everybody makes mistakes
The more you say, the more mistakes you make. If you cannot control your words you cannot control yourself — and will lose respect. A man owns his word and his balls. Do you plan to knock up every girl you meet, or do you take precautions? Realise that words have offspring too, and you’ll protect yourself from the grief/alimony that results from squandered words.
Next time you are out and about, take a while to observe a group of people, and you’ll see that the the person in charge speaks less. Why? Because that person is in charge of decisions, not entertainment. That’s the jester’s job. If you don’t believe me, walk up to the group and ask them a question that requires a decision… Let me know how it goes.
PS: Silence or vague statements can result in adverse interpretations. Those who depend on you – including your superiors and/or partner – are often made insecure by ambiguity, and may become suspicious. Nevertheless, to reassure such people takes less words than you think.